Is Your Ego Your Downfall
Were you convinced that the other side had a closed mind? Did either side put up the same tired arguments, resisting new facts and information? Did either side overgeneralize differences, saying, always only or never Did either side make threats they really didn want to carry out? Did either side lose their cool? Did the other side then counter by angrily raising their voice?
Arguments are a war of words side digging in to defend their position.
Each side withholding information or distorting the information they choose to give. Each side saying only those things they can say well. Each side changing from being stubbornly right to being adamantly righteous. Each side relying on their gut instincts and premonitions. And why not? It always easier to take a stand than to understand. So, too, it easier to decide against than to decide for.
As the war of words wages on, issues become more complex. Outcomes become less predictable. Retorts become more simplistic.
Or maybe there is silence hardest argument of all to refute.
Because don win arguments
God hadn made me so beautiful, I be a teacher. Linda Evangelista
Tulane Law School dean confided to me, trouble with young professionals, particularly newly minted lawyers and MBAs from top schools, is that they are often as smug as they are bright. They talk down to other people as if they had the seasoning that only comes from years of handson experience. the case of a brilliant 25yearold. He was called a Street Wizard. After he was profiled in a New York Times article as one of the of the New York economy, he was asked to resign from the elite investment banking firm Morgan Stanley.
Describing himself in the interview as being young and affluent, he listed among his personal extravagances expensive electronic equipment, a Rolex watch, and a closetful of custommade suits. So why the sudden resignation? The whiz kid broke his employer strict code of conduct that frowns on selfaggrandizing lifestyle interviews and personal profiles.
It not only grey flannel firms such as Morgan Stanley that discourage blatant horntooting. Most people react negatively to wouldbe persuaders who grab opportunities to brag and boast.
You may be brilliant in your field gift to law, medicine, real estate, gourmet cooking, but don wear your brilliance on your sleeve. It won win you arguments resentment as a knowitall.
Don accept your dog admiration as conclusive evidence that you wonderful. Are you as brilliant as you like to believe? Here the test: Think 10 years in the future. Will you know a lot then that you don know now thanks to 10 more years of experience and learning? If so, now pause to consider how much you have yet to learn. Did you find the test humbling?
When someone else blows your horn, the sound is twice as loud. The art of subtle selfpromotion is quoting clients and customers, or associates whom they know or whose reputation they respect. It weaving reallife stories and case studies into your argument. Instead of proclaiming, the fastestgrowing company in our field, say something more easily digested. For example, not a mere accident that we the fastestgrowing company in our field. The reason is. It giving credit to associates and others who helped you achieve success.
Know when to cool it. No one is ever truly influenced by a knowitall. Or even worse, a fullofyourselftellitall. Let the other guy discover for himself why he should buy into your argument from your stories and experiential anecdotes and from the praise that others have for you.